The Quote Plate

The following quotes come from a grand whinorhino reunion in a house on the outskirts of Baltimore. There were asssorted rhinos, dogs, relatives and a bottle of "holiday vodka". I'll do my best to present the scribblings in a paper plate that were our best record of the night...I hope the other participants will add their own addled memories.

The quote that necesitated finding a pen in the first place:

"It smells like puke; not just daily puke, but puke that sat about a bit." - Colleen describing her visit to the Glenfidditch distillery. Yum...

"How do you spell smell?" - Liz while trying to write the first quote down.

"Why is the Absolute label red?" "It must be a holidy bottle."

- oh no, in fact it is the red label Absolute that denotes 100 proof vodka. Damn, that explains alot.

"I'm not going to get anything right and my self esteem is going to plummett."

- Liz as we embarked on a round of "Are you smarter than a 5th grader"

"Don't put the salsa on the quote book!" - well it was a plate afterall...

Oh there were many many more, but as you can imagine after some holiday vodka things got a little blurry. I'll leave you with photo evidence:

(even the wall paper had a wee drink)

Domestic Bliss

"I was just trying to be nice to you, and now I've got meat down my boobs!"

It's probably funnier if I don't explain it...but basically Colleen and I were annoyed with each other while making spaghetti last night (because mortgage interest rates went up - how old are we!) and so logically, she decided to feed me some sauce off the spoon. I was about to say something snarky about how I didn't want to be fed off the giant stirring spoon, but I decided to try and reconcile so I open my mouth and... she missed - big blob of meat sauce straight down the cleavage...

Party Preparation

While getting dressed in our formal wear for a very formal dinner party thrown by the aforementioned Kerry this past weekend, I wondered aloud if my elastic hold up stockings were a step too far sexy-wise, then reasoned no one would see them unless, of course, I fell down - when Colleen came out with this one:

"At Kerry's parties you're only ever two steps away from an orgy anyway"

So true. An orgy or a bacchanalia I suppose...

Movie quote

I watched a truly not good movie called Bottle Rocket staring both Luke and Owen Wilson about a guy who checks out of a mental institute to go into a life of crime with his much more insane friend. As I said, it was not good but it had some good lines... my favourite:

"Your 75 year plan is not working"

I feel that way today...

Am I the only one talking to people?

Come on ladies - you need to hit me with some quotes or I will continue to put up increasingly crazy quotes until you're forced to ostracize me from our online only community.

So, last night I was out with Aimee and two of my young male friends. We were drinking a lot and, for some reason, doing a lot of "roundtable" discussion type things...like we were going around the table and talking about our personal relationship dealbreakers. [More on this at ProcrastiNation...].

Anyway - Boy #1 was coming out with outrageous comment after outrageous comment. He's packed a lot of life into 25 years...At one point he said he was once with someone who had eyes tatooed on her breasts. Like she had a huge face tatooed on her chest and the nipples were the eyes.

[Really...I couldn't make this stuff up.]

It's a little fuzzy but I think I asked about breastfeeding and Aimee said that it would be like her breasts were crying.

Flash forward to the Dive Bar a few hours later where Boy #1 and Aimee were playing with a letter board and making random phrases. Aimee makes the quote book here with her excellent use of symbols in placing the following on the board:

Boob tears are $

I really hope it's still there and inspires all sorts of conversations about what it could possibly mean.

And I REALLY hope someone with eyes tatooed on her breasts sees it...

Inappropriate - yet oddly inviting

I'm on the bus to DC with some people I barely know - one of whom I fancy a little bit.* We're all totally goofing on the man I fancy all day about a bunch of shit. At some point, I move to let him off the hook on a small matter and another guy turns to me and says:

"Don't let him go! You have to get on him, and stay on him, and ride him till he sweats."

Oh.

My.

Cuz. That's totally what I was thinking...

* See post below in which he's referred to as "one of my crushes."

Another One

From one of my crushes:

"I hate when I have to play peacemaker between the voices in my head."

Which of course makes us perfect for each other as my most notable quote in recent memory was when I made reference to the fact that I'm glad the voices in my head don't ask me to do anything expensive.

Is there a bathroom up front?

I was with a friend at a progressive happy hour last night - not progressive in the sense that you move from place to place but progressive in the sense that a lot of non-profit, activist types attend.

Anyway - so my colleague was chatting up a handsome pilot. He was sharing his knowledge of beers, they were talking away, it all pointed to a love connection.

We're getting ready to leave and he goes to the bathroom. He comes back, we're paying our bill, he says "I'll meet you up front".

We make our way up front. No pilot.

We go outside thinking he meant all the way up front. No pilot.

She goes back in (twice) to make sure we didn't miss him. No pilot.

Her comment?

"Well, I guess an unfortunate attack of colitis has messed up my sex life again."

Awesome. I didn't ask about the "again" part since we're fairly new colleagues. I'll get to that some other time.

Incest is funny

It's a well known fact that a good friend of mine had a long and serious relationship with her first cousin, we'll call him Sam. After much drama, she has broken up with him for good and taken up with another young man (not related to the best of our knowledge.) Anyway, we were all saying what we would be doing for Christmas, going home etc., when she came out with...

"When Sam I and were together, we would just stay home - Fuck the family"

Oh how we laughed!

That actually goes nicely with a previous quotebook quote of some rather sage advice from J-Go:

"There's millions of people in the world. Don't fuck family"

Although I don't remember who or what prompted that quote! Who fancied their cousin?

You're Not From Planet "What The Fuck"

I try to keep my karma bank high, but sometimes, some people, some things, some behaviors, the way someone breathes, can totally get on my nerves and I want to share it with others.

Does that mean I am a bitch? a gossip? Am I a bad person?

I told a fellow karma bank keeper that I would absolutely die if I knew that anyone felt the way I did about some people, some things, some behaviors, the way someone breathes...

(we are affected by, and discuss, some of the same people)

And she said, "Well, you are not from Planet "What The Fuck." You are normal.

now. me.

Nichole and I were pricing things for my yard sale this weekend. If you read Emotional Mullet, you will know all about it.

Nichole was pricing my trinkets and such. I have a lil' Buddha that came with some bamboo. Bamboo has been transplanted. We priced it and moved on, but ...

Nichole said,

"Ohhhhh. I love Buddha. But I don't like his nipples."

me first!

ok I've got one! And to preface this, it is now 11 am and I am still DRUUUUUNK. So glad this a private blog cause my mother reads whinorhino and I probably shouldn't reveal my true levels of of whinorhinoing...ok, block quote and here it goes:

"I must have SpiegeltentBob"

Explanation: I was at the Spiegeltent last night, which I love because I have that flair for the dramatic as you know, and there was this one fellow dancing his little heart out for all he was worth. Not only did he not have any rhythm whatsoever, he was also doing the drunken healy-spin-your-partner-round-violently-and-fall-on-things dance, AND he had the most outrageous giant white man afro (like sideshow bob) which he continually dragged his fingers through and shook to the crowd's masssive appreciation. We spotted him upon arrival and Colleen vowed that he would be hers. I went on to consume at least one of everything (including shots of tequila oh my) over the course of the evening and when I looked up, Bob had gotten away. Oh well. I so wished I had my camera so you could see the spectacle that is Spiegeltent Bob...

Welcome!

Back in the day Healy, Jen and Liz (and Colleen on occassion) lived in a house on 8th and Maryland in NE DC. Right next to Kenny's Barbaque and about 500 yards from a 7-11. Location, location, location indeed.

Healy had a little book in which she would jot down interesting, absurd, profound, crazy, funny, or just plain strange musings from herself or others. It was, appropriately enough, called "the quote book".

We'd add items most often when the whiskey was flowing.

It was expanded to include fridge poetry and other things.

Well, Healy, Jen and Liz are farflung now. Sniff sniff. And the physical quote book may or may not still be in existence. But, thanks to Al Gore, we can have it here.

It's an experiment. Let's see how it goes...