Grown up dinner party quotes

Had a little dinner do the other night at ours which produced some memorable moments. I had the pleasure of introducing whiskey sours a la healy to a whole new continent of whinorhinos and after a few batches of those, a shed-load of wine and a loverly feast, the party games commenced!

“I am an implied male?"

We were playing that game where you have to guess who you are (you have a sticker on your head with a famous name on it)...
Joe was E.T.

“Jesus Christ!”

Steve actually was labeled Jesus Christ but he said this in frustration with our vague answers to questions such as ‘Am I a fictional character?’ and ‘Am I dead?’ I was gonna give it to him after I recovered from laughing but we played on.
But the funniest things always come out of Colleen for some reason...she was explaining that although she is a programmer and computery work person she is crap at actually using them.

“I can’t work the damn things at all, I just programme the belly of the beast”
“So you don’t talk to the beast?”
“No, I am the beast”

Yes colleen, you are the beast, but you are allergic to all types of fur...

“001101011001101...It’s a joke in binary!”
“You told it wrong!”

Computer dorks having a laugh. There’s always two of ‘em in a crowd...

The Secret Life of Girls

Last Friday, I went to dinner with Jenny E, LCP, LCP’s hot mom friend MacKenzie, LCP’s cousin Holland, LCP’s college buddy Tracey.

We went to Mirror for some tapas and wine. We chatted about men, children, pets, work, waxing, general genital grooming and anal bleaching.

I have two really good quotes that I need to share. Cross-post on Emotional Mullet.

LCP will correct me, but I think it was MacKenzie who was having a hard time understanding the purpose and outcome of anal bleaching.

Sensing that we needed a bit more explanation, I said,

“It is like Visine for the brown eye.”

And another …

MacKenzie, a hot-mom like LCP, was relating the troubles and issues she had with general genital grooming during and after pregnancy.*

She said,

“It was like Gorillas In The Mist. I was all Jane Goodall down there.”



*I believe this is a reference to how one must prioritze with a newborn.

Co-worker Quote

For this to make sense you need to know that there is a comedy show in NI called Give my Head Peace about the protestant/catholic divide. You also need to know that the speaker's mother is big into alternative healing and therapy and tries to force this way of life on others. When asked for the 5000th time to partake in reiki healing or some such, her daughter finally exploded with

"Give my aura peace!"

Well I thought it was funny, especially since they are both Croatian...

When the wife's away...

Packing is stressful. Unpacking is a pain. Colleen likes to leave her suitcase on the floor for several weeks until I give in and do it for her. But this time after our xmas trip to DC, she unpacked most of it right away, but not quite all of her bad habits have been cured by my incessant nagging. She sill disrobes at night by dropping everything where she stands, leaving me to compare her upbringing to that of a barnyard animal.

Last night I had occasion to ask what the house would look like I wasn't here to nag and force her to unpack and put things away etc. This was the answer I kind of expected:

"Remember those three months you were in America? I lived like a monkey, flinging my shit and bras."

I laughed so hard my ribs hurt. Needless to say the suitcase is still on the floor with some monkey shit in it.

Parent Quote

Its a different generation people, it really is. Us kids today (yes I know how old I am) took those drunk driving commercials and the 17 kids that died in our high school from it fairly seriously.

Colleen in particular won't drive if she's even touched the booze. But not my dad, he's probably better at most things slightly drunk anyway. It has always bothered Colleen that he'll think nothing of driving home after things like New Years Eve etc... and she said so at one point in the car with him which produced this great line:

"If you're not nervous when I'm driving, YOU'RE the one who's drunk!" ~ my dad

so proud...

The Quote Plate

The following quotes come from a grand whinorhino reunion in a house on the outskirts of Baltimore. There were asssorted rhinos, dogs, relatives and a bottle of "holiday vodka". I'll do my best to present the scribblings in a paper plate that were our best record of the night...I hope the other participants will add their own addled memories.

The quote that necesitated finding a pen in the first place:

"It smells like puke; not just daily puke, but puke that sat about a bit." - Colleen describing her visit to the Glenfidditch distillery. Yum...

"How do you spell smell?" - Liz while trying to write the first quote down.

"Why is the Absolute label red?" "It must be a holidy bottle."

- oh no, in fact it is the red label Absolute that denotes 100 proof vodka. Damn, that explains alot.

"I'm not going to get anything right and my self esteem is going to plummett."

- Liz as we embarked on a round of "Are you smarter than a 5th grader"

"Don't put the salsa on the quote book!" - well it was a plate afterall...

Oh there were many many more, but as you can imagine after some holiday vodka things got a little blurry. I'll leave you with photo evidence:

(even the wall paper had a wee drink)

Domestic Bliss

"I was just trying to be nice to you, and now I've got meat down my boobs!"

It's probably funnier if I don't explain it...but basically Colleen and I were annoyed with each other while making spaghetti last night (because mortgage interest rates went up - how old are we!) and so logically, she decided to feed me some sauce off the spoon. I was about to say something snarky about how I didn't want to be fed off the giant stirring spoon, but I decided to try and reconcile so I open my mouth and... she missed - big blob of meat sauce straight down the cleavage...